Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Chris' Absolutley Abysmal Toy Fair Coverage

Sometimes, you see something so astonishingly bad, so terribly misinformed, so very little effort put into it, that you can't just ignore it.

From February 17-20, NYC hosted the annual American International Toy Fair, and amazingly Chris got invited. I guess Puppet Steve is that popular? Toy Fair is invite-only by the way.
If you recall his E3 coverage, it's pretty similar. Well, without all the interviews because I doubt Chris has enough clout to tell random people "Can you pretend this puppet is real and it's interviewing you?" He's not the Jim Henson Company or Robert Smigel.
But it is loaded with all the usual misinformation that Chris is known for. What fun!

I won't go over every video, my sanity can only take so much. It's more the lowlights.

This year, Chris did something different and did some live coverage using YouTube's streaming feature. It went about as well as you might expect, in that it was a total disaster.
The video quality looked like a cell phone from 2006. It lagged in spots, causing commentary to go out. Everything was blurry. Perhaps it's why Chris stopped after 11 videos and just went to post-production commentary. This will hurt him.
Chris barely even tried the Steve voice. He was basically doing his normal voice but with "attitude". Was he afraid of people staring at him?
He also shows that he still can't ad-lib to save his life. Every toy he looked at was "super cool". Not just cool, "super cool". Chris really does feel like the embodiment of Steve Buscemi's "How do you do, fellow kids" scene...
Most of the live coverage was FNAF related, because of course it was. He still calls Chica a guy (how long has he been doing this?)

There's also Bendy coverage, Stikbots (whatever those are), toys based on Hello Neighbor (why?), and then we get into the reaaaal bad shit with a video on Transformers. It features one of the major problems with his coverage, Chris not getting names right or even trying to say their names even though they're written right on the box. My informant notes how he just says "this Predacon" when the box clearly has their names. That is some next level lazy.
Even the clickbait title is lazy, using The Last Knight. Even though the toys have nothing do with that movie, and even then the movie came out months ago and it wasn't popular.

He followed that up with a video on Nickelodeon toys, specifically based on 90's Nicktoons. The mistakes really start adding up here. Referring to "Aaahh!!! Real Monsters" as just "the Real Monsters show", getting Oblina's name wrong (pronouncing it Oblika), and referring to Gerald from Hey Arnold as simply "Arnold's friend". Not like he was an important character or anything!

Following that one is a video on new Marvel Legends figures based on the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Chris' commentary makes it sound like he hasn't watched a single MCU movie.
It starts with him referring to Red Skull as "Red Hood", that's DC you fuck! Then he calls Ronan the Accuser "the villain from the second Thor movie". That was Malekith, and he looks nothing like Ronan. Ronan was the villain of Guardians of the Galaxy.
Then he shows a two-pack of Thor & Sif, and openly says he doesn't remember her name. I'll explain why this is bullshit soon.
Then he calls Yellow Jacket "the evil Ant-Man". Good lord, I know the MCU has a problem with creating memorable villains but you're not even trying!
The reason that Sif line, and really getting all these names wrong are complete bullshit, is that you can clearly see the names on the boxes! They're right behind the figures! How are you THIS terrible at this Chris? Is there something wrong with you?

Then a video on Lego sets (actual Lego, not the off-brand stuff) with cringy sketches involving his custom Lego Puppet Steve. He actually brought it with him just to do that... that is so lame.
He looks at $100 Harry Potter set, makes the old as fuck "Dumbledore is Gandalf" joke (that joke is old enough to have children), gets more things wrong like not recognizing Nearly Headless Nick or Professor Quirrel (you know, the villain of the first book & movie!) There's a reason these are problems I'll get into later...
"The cool spell hat" That's the Sorting Hat! Come on!
Then he shows Jurassic Park/World sets. The first one he refers to as "Manor house museum". Even though the box clearly says "Indoraptor Rampage at Lockwood Estate". He makes a terrible joke about the dinosaur bones being their "mummy". Even though those are Indoraptors, and the skeleton is a triceratops. You're not even trying!
He refers to the park security as "FBI agents". Unless there's FBI agents in the upcoming movie, then they're not FBI.
Then he looks at another set that he refers to as "Paradactyl Chase". Nooo it's called Pteranodon Chase, it says it right there on the box! Also, you don't pronounce the P in Pterodactyl or Pteranodon you hack.
Then another set that clearly has the Tyrannosaurus Rex, but he just refers to it as "dinosaurs". Come on Chris, the T-Rex is the mascot! You can't seriously be this lazy!

And now we get to the video that inspired me to make this post. One about new Pokemon toys. Bores and Pokemon, you know this will go well.

It all goes wrong when he refers to a Togetic figure as "full-grown Togepi". Just... wow. Not to mention wrong because Togetic isn't the final form anymore, it's Togekiss. Hell it's been Togekiss for 12 years now.
Then he refers to Marill as "Pikablu". What... year ... is it? I can't believe there's still someone that unironically uses Pikablu. Holy fuck.
Then he doesn't even try with Chinchou and Pidgey, simply calling them "this guy". You don't even know Pidgey? Come on!
Though he recognizes Staryu, he fails on Wurmple, Charjabug, Salandit, and Togedemaru.
Pichu is simply "the baby Pikachu", and he fails to name Larvitar and Pikipek
By the end of it, he doesn't even try to name Carvanha, Stufful, and Bounsweet.
Look, I get not knowing the Gen 7 Pokemon so easily, I would have trouble too as I have barely played the Gen 7 games (I found them so boring). But see I know how to do a little something called... research! If I don't know something, I look into it. And this is the problem I wanted to address with these videos.

They're very clearly done in post-production, with post-commentary and visual edits. This isn't the live stuff he tried during Toy Fair. Chris purposely recorded all these videos with misinformation, not caring if the name was on the box, or if the name could easily be looked up. He could have bothered to look up Togetic or Marill or Pidgey or all the Alola Pokemon, but he didn't even try. He could have double checked who these MCU characters were, or those Predacons, but he didn't lift a finger. This further showcases how Puppet Steve is nothing more than low effort garbage that acts as dangling keys for easily-entertained kids.

Chris as a content producer has completely given up. He's not even accomplishing the bare minimum. As awful as Irate Gamer was, at least there was a small sense of trying. It wasn't good, but at least you could somewhat tell he tried. This is Chris not even doing that. Does he no longer have pride in his own work? Or is this just shit to pay the bills because his ghost hunting garbage will never get off the ground.

EDIT: Seems I spoke too soon about interviews. He actually did one! But not as Puppet Steve. In fact, it's pretty clear that Steve is in there via green screen, and when it cuts to a close up of the interviewee, you see Chris' hand holding an iPhone (instead of a mic). When Steve is on screen, the interviewee is looking down. That must have been awkward. "Hey can I film you looking down at something even though nothing is there?" "Why?" "Just do it!" 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Former Fan Testimony from The Childish Psychopath

Been a while since one of these. A former IG fan going by the nickname "The Childish Psychopath" wanted to share his experience with the Irate Gamer. This is a direct copy of his testimony. Enjoy.

I started watching the Irate gamer back in 2008, I use to be a fan of him, as well as the angry video game nerd.  I was also 10 years old so I didn't really know much during that time.  My first video of him was with his review of predator.  At 10 years old, I am not ashamed to say that his jokes were funny.  (Especially that fucking newspaper joke on Tekken.....) 

Me and my older brother would watch his videos non-stop and I it was a blast.  I currently wasn't aware of the research errors and stolen footage at that time, even the most obvious when he was reviewing Ghost n Goblins when he went from nes graphics to Arcade.  As for the tmnt 2 game, I shamefully believed him that they could have made better graphics for the new adaptation. (I was a fucking idiot). I don't remember much but also remember him going on and on about his skylander fetish nonstop.  I would constantly check back to see if he made any new content on the IG show.  But guess what, MORE FUCKING SKYLANDERS!!!!  That was when I moved on to watch other things like anime and such.  

As I grew older, I had vague memories of this shitty gem,  I haven't heard from him until I looked up Guru Larry's fact hunt on the rise and fall of of YouTube gamers.  The moment He talked about Chris, I was all like "Oh hey it's this guy!" Then after an explanation of how he failed and the shit he failed to do.  I then began to look at his channel to see what was left of him.  Then I began to think back on his reviews on how pathetic they were.  I remember playing Battalion wars 2, It was fun and no Chris, the COs didn't constantly remind and HOW HARD IS IT TO CAPTURE 1 FUCKING BASE!!! Then to Aladdin and I remember having on the snes.  It was fun, then Chris talked shit about it.  Finally GnG which Was the final nail in the coffin. 

Even though I was not aware of the controversy of the AVGN and IG, It is safe to say he is a fucking hack.  Which brings me to the blog, I enjoy reading all the reviews you tore to shreds as well as the shit he says.  Now he is a fragment of a forgotten memory.  But anyways this is my confession, thank you for reading.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Chris Opened Another Channel Years Ago and Seems He's Trying to Bring It Back

Wow, a new post this soon? Even I'm surprised.

Long time fan Harrod brought this up. Seems in May 2015, Chris created another channel, and many pieces start fitting together.
First some backstory. Sometime from either 1968 to 1974 (the date is unclear scoping through Wikipedia), there was an educational TV show called "The Letter People". It was all about teaching kids the letters of the Roman alphabet with puppets. Very Sesame Street but obviously not as popular.
Then in May 2015, Chris created this YouTube channel.
You may notice it has a different name, but the early videos outright say they are The Letter People. Now he seems to be going with The Alphabet Bunch. Oh so now you're afraid of getting sued?

Going through these, there's not much to say. Just low-budget, boring shorts showcasing things that start with certain letters. If you've ever seen Sesame Street, or any educational program at the age of 3 or 4, then you get the idea.
The majority of the videos were posted in 2015. The eighth video at the beginning of 2016. Then... nothing for two years.
But then two weeks ago he posted the ninth video out of nowhere. In the comment he brings up "school curriculums". What? Are you making this crap for a school? Is that your job now?
And three days ago he posted a new one, this one featuring Zombie Steve... so is he trying to synergize his two shows? He must be because over on the Puppet Steve channel, Alphabet Bunch is listed as a Featured Channel under the barely functioning Zombie Steve channel (don't recall if I mentioned this but he made separate channel for solo Zombie Steve videos).
Of course the latest video is the worst, since it's more of Chris' fetish for showing off all his toys.
Oh yeah, and that "Mr. M" puppet? He was reused for the very very very early Puppet Steve videos where the hosts were actually "Marty and Muffin". And yes, a talking muffin is part of these early videos too. That explains a lot.

Chris, what are you doing? Is this your attempt at popularity? I don't think doubling down on the kid shit will do it. You're not good at education either.
You really want to know the secret to popularity? Go into a forest and find a real dead body, then film it and post it online for kids to see. Then go on a crocodile-tear filled apology tour and then make a video where you use a taser on dead animals. Kids really dig that shit.

I don't know. I have no idea what Chris is doing, it's clear he has no direction. All the ghost hunting crap didn't work out. I mean this is the second time too, he admitted it didn't work out the first time, and he tried it again. Blah blah definition of insanity blah.

Oh forgot to mention, but this channel is listed on The Letter People's Wikipedia page. Considering how almost nobody knows about this, I have to imagine that Chris himself added that section.  See the page right here. Here's an archive link in case the page gets edited.

Oh yeah, the first video on the channel actually mentions a site. Go ahead and check it out, you might be in for a surprise.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Chris Cameos in Another Movie, and It's Not Cut Out

Long-time readers may recall in early 2015 how Chris mentioned he would be in a movie. Eventually we learned that movie was called Gore Orphanage. However, he was cut out of it. Mostly, he showed up in a post-credits scene running from the camera. According to the studio, he was cut because the footage was poorly shot. Weirdly enough, he was still the first name in the movie's credits. Chris himself never mentioned the movie again.

But this isn't the end of Chris' illustrious movie career. A reader of the blog informed me that Chris shows up in a really low-budget indie film called Black Friday, released last year.

The entire movie is up on YouTube. Chris shows up at the end, around an hour and fifteen minutes.

EDIT: Nope, not anymore, that video you see is "unavailable". No clue why it was taken down.

Was this really made last year and not locked in a vault for over a decade?

The person that informed me about this contacted the director, Jayme Schmitt, and wondered how that happened. All Schmitt did was e-mail him and Chris agreed. Too bad Hollywood isn't that easy.

Guess Chris has another thing for that IMDB page. Anyone think that alleged Hardcore Pawn episode will ever surface? It should go in the Lost Media Wiki.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Chris Dons the Biggest of Tinfoil Hats

My Facebook informant has noticed some troubling things coming out of Chris lately.

A few days ago Chris posted a link from InfoWars, the awful conspiracy site. Admittedly I figured he was an avid Alex Jones fan. Just look at LadyBuggin, the only things he did with that account besides argue with people were favorite his own videos and favorite videos from Alex Jones. I felt it wasn't worth making a post about.

But then he just posted this, a screencap provided by my informant.

He saw something on Nickelodeon that got him mad, and now he's going full blown tinfoil fuckery.
Putting aside that he misspelled Illuminati, that's been debunked for years! Before most of us were even born! Has Chris gone this far down the deep end?
Oh and of course, no evidence provided, and as you see from that reply, he refuses to give any. "Fuck you asking for proof, find it yourself". The lazy hack method.

Chris, you need help. Serious help. This isn't a healthy mindset. Turn off the InfoWars, get out of Ohio and see the world. You'll feel better.

Hell, if you want a real Nickelodeon conspiracy, look into Dan Schneider.

EDIT: Hey so due to spam bots, Blogger's filter has been going crazy and marking legit comments as spam. So if your comment somehow disappears, it's the spam filter and I didn't notice. My apologies if your comment vanishes, just be patient (unless I clarify and give a reason why it's gone)

EDIT 2: Ooooooh wow. Okay so my informant saw a new comment added, and it seems that person saw what Bores was talking about. The image that triggered Bores so much... was the Eye of Providence. AKA the All-Seeing Eye.

Yes, that. The eye that's on every American dollar bill. The symbol that's been conspiracy fodder for decades, perhaps before even Chris was born (who by the way is turning 40 this year). The eye being "evil" or something is basically a meme at this point.
Chris, you actually unironically believe this? This is too funny. The ghosts are one thing but to believe outdated crap like this? How do you function? Can you even use cash? Just amazing.

There was also a really funny comment from Brad Jones.
"I could have told you this last year when they sacrificed Ariana Grande on an alter made of pig bones while Victoria Justice wore a giant goat's head and a cloak. It was a weird way to announce Best Voice Actor."
Now I want to see Brad riffing on terrible Nickelodoen sitcoms. If he can get through Fuller House, those would be no problem.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Have a Happy 2018

What do you mean it's only December 19th?

Yeah the year's not over yet but here's my post to cap it off. There's not going to be a list.

The Irate Gamer is still dead. The last video to actually talk about a video game was 20 months ago. Despite this fans still demand new episodes, even though Chris left a message in the channel description that he was done. Chris is apparently not smart enough to realize that people don't read those and he should have made a final video saying "I'm done, no more". But apparently even that was too much.

Instead Chris has increased focus on ghosts, and how he's an "expert ghost behaviorist". Whatever the fuck that means.
He made a new Facebook post where he complained about a parapsychologist and how they're "full of it". This is parapscyhology. It's just as dumb as "ghost hunting" or whatever so really it's one charlatan complaining about another charlatan. It would be like Dr. Nick Riviera saying Snake isn't a good enough criminal, you're both terrible!

Despite Chris trying to make ghosts his big thing now, we all know where his time is going and his money is coming from. 2017 saw a MASSIVE deluge of Puppet Steve videos, I think around 280 just this year (and who knows how many before the year is out). That is shit! Low effort pandering, the equivalent of dangling keys in front a kid's face. Every video is the same, and sometimes with very little scripting.
The Puppet Steve drinking game: Take a drink every time he say "cool". Be warned that some videos may kill you.
Really the only positive I can say about Puppet Steve is that it's not disgusting and offensive. I mean it's "offensive" in that there's no value to kids, but that's a different matter. I mean it's nothing like those "Spider-Man & Elsa" videos or the ones that use other copyrighted characters and put them in awful situations. Often with needles, or forced stripping, or forced pregnancy, all sorts of content that sooo isn't child-friendly but manages to bypass YouTube's terrible algorithm and be marked as "good for kids" That's the best thing I can say about Puppet Steve

However, I have a theory. My informants have noticed that Chris never brings up Puppet Steve to his fans on social media. I don't think that's out of malice, I think it's out of shame. I think he's genuinely ashamed that the majority of his money comes from making mindless sugary YouTube videos for 5 year olds. You can tell he wants all his ghost stuff to be huge but nobody cares anymore. That's not the fantasy most people want to live in.
But who knows, the man seems to really enjoy lying.

Either way, I hope everyone has a Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year. Always vote.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Facebook Foolishness on Last Names, Ghosts, and You Mad Bro?

Oh man, Chris has been really active on Facebook, and there's been some really stupid comments as noted by my informant.

So the other day, a local Ohio CBS affiliate had Chris on to talk about ghost crap. It's the standard "My work is so hard, I use psychology" and all that bullshit. Chris claimed the report went viral. ... You should probably look up what that means Chris, the report barely got attention even by local news standards. If you want a local news story to go viral, you need to fall on your face, or say the f-word, nobody cares about your stupid ghosts.
Anyway, Chris has been surprisingly talkative to the comments.

One comment brings up the pronunciation of Chris' last name. Wondering if the interviewer (who pronounced it Bor-ess) was saying it right. Chris said she was. But then he goes on to say "it was one of the funniest things about hate videos, they always butchered my name"
Chris, it's not our fault it's spelled that way, and people assume that it's pronounced how it looks. You never went out of your way to correct people about it, so most people assumed your name is pronounced "Boars". It doesn't help that your content is notoriously boring! So many of Chris' issues could be fixed if he actually addressed them. But apparently his "psychology class" told him it's better to bottle it up. Uhhh no, pretty sure psychology tells you NOT to do that.

One comment says he wants to see more videos of his work.
"Thanks. I hope to one day. I've been doing a lot of private work behind the scenes, helping people and such. Not really suitable for the masses.hopefully in the future" 
Not suitable? In what way? Did one of your ghost trips end with a ghost flaying someone alive and you caught it all on video, effectively making it a snuff film? Or maybe it's like the blowjob scene from Ghostbusters? No wait I know the real answer, you have nothing. You've just been too busy with your toys.

In fact, several comments have been saying "I want more IG" and Chris responds "I don't have the time". Liar! Why won't you come clean about Puppet Steve? Your fans deserve to know what you're really doing. And to any of IG's remaining fans that are possibly reading this, confront him about Minecraft Puppet Steve. Point out how he somehow has time for that but no time for Irate Gamer. I mean, he has time to release six Steve videos in a week, ranging from three to twelve minutes. Yet he can't do an Irate Gamer video. Fans, question him, call him out. If he blocks you, then showcase what a coward he is and realize something we've known for years.

One comment asked where he airs his ghost videos.
"I haven't been recording them recently. I've been doing alot of private work for the time being and fleshing out a few skill sets"
Translation: I've been playing with toys all day. Toys toys toys. Fuck you fans that want my gaming content, I just want toys.

Now, there's one more comment that really needs to be addressed, and it is a doozy.
A couple years ago, our good friend Shaolin Dave read and reviewed Chris' book. Attached to his review was an image of the book inside his toilet. We all had a good laugh at it.
Dave then posted a screen capture of the review to his own Facebook. Chris found it. Here is how he responded. Wall of Text incoming.

"I feel sorry for you. I’ve taught to psychology majors and they get it just fine. You said the book is boring and it’s because it’s over your head. This is what happens when you try learning something other than video games. Psychologically speaking, your post here speaks volumes about your state of mind: You are not happy with just posting this on amazon, no, you need to post it to other forums because it’s not good enough for you. This reveals your unhealthy need of acceptance and maybe daddy issues as well because you suffer from misery and depression in your every day life. Just look at your facebook profile, you chose a picture where you are surrounded by people because you are trying to project a lifestyle full of friends and happiness but you can’t fool me. If showing the public your level of education by throwing a book in the toilet gives you that fleeting moment of pride, then you really need to pull that back out of the toilet and read chapter 6 because you could use some wisdom I’ve laid out on meditation and calming the mind. you’ll continue to walk around in your autopilot state of misery until you do."

Someone's maaaaaaaad. This is DSP levels of salt, but without all the f-bombs.
It basically amounts to "I'M TOO SMART FOR YOU" and several ways of calling Dave a loser without actually saying it. The use of "daddy issues" only further cements how Chris and Linda are the same person (she used that insult all the time).
This continues to showcase Chris' crippling inability to take criticism. Whether it's blocking everyone and deleting their comments, outright lying, or being a salty little punk as shown here, Chris has somehow never been able to deal with criticism. It's been 10 years!
I wonder if Chris read any of the other negative reviews, or maybe he just amounted that to "mindless haters" like he normally does. He better not read TVTropes then...
I wonder if there's anything else that would get a reaction like that.

EDIT: It turns out I have assumed wrongly. Shaolin Dave did not post that image, but rather a YouTuber creator named Dave Parks posted it (you can view his channel here). He is not Shaolin Dave. Chris however assumed it was Shaolin Dave and left the above scathing comment. When Mr. Parks tried to respond to Chris, he was already blocked (ultimate cowardice). My assumption came from my knowledge that Shaolin Dave wrote the review where he placed the book in his toilet (which according to him was inspired by Chris' E.T. review where he flushed the GBA game down the toilet) so it was an easy mistake to make. I would like to apologize for my error, and also would like to state I no longer have access to most of Facebook as I have chosen to lock my account. Thanks to Shaolin Dave for letting me know all about this.